she doesn't even go here

May 28

how i dance when no one is watching.

when there’s leftover batter.

when people won’t stop talking to me.

when i fake an orgasm.

when the bartender announces last call.

my friends and i are like:

when i realize the guy i’ve been flirting with has a girlfriend.

when i get back to work after a long weekend.

May 25

when i miss john mayer on Watch What Happens Live.

first i’m like:

then it’s like:

then i’m like:

nicki minaj’s ass.

when i find $20 in the bottom of my bag.